Friday, 29 June 2012

Minus Coffee = Kindle Crazy

The wisps of steam are dancing above my cup, spelling an end to the coffee drought of 2012. It's 8.30 in the morning and I've been up two hours already, this is the first cup of the day, still too hot to drink, but the aroma alone is enough to arouse my consciousness. The Johnny Depp mug is looking a bit worse for wear from the intensive use throughout the past few years, but I swear today, it looks happy to be back.

Okay a little heavy for this hour.

Lets try something a bit more my style:

Last week, to stop the highly strung, crazy I tend to share my life with, I decided that my six cups of coffee a day were growing into a little insomnia army. So I went cold turkey (sweats and all) for a week - a whole week - waiting for normality to settle soundly into my world. Patiently, by the rain blemished window, I waited for the Green Tea Guru to reward me with moments of clarity and inner peace for my valiant efforts and what did I get...

No guru, no sleep, no inner peace! In fact as it transpires coffee is my tranquilizer, without it not only do I lose my sense of control, but I go even crazier than my usual stroll around insanity. I was forgetful, spacey and once on my way to work drove straight past my office. Needless to say, scientific study has now deemed it unsafe for me to give up coffee. I have increased my daily dose to ten to be on the safe side.

This should hopefully now reduce the impact that the new British Kindle advert is having on me (think Incredible Hulk on a period). If you haven't seen it:

Oh there's nothing wrong with it... that's what you think huh? Well you're not looking closely enough. Watch it again and look out for the girl on the lilo... see her... yes on a lilo... in a pool... of water... with a Kindle... Is she bloody crazy!

Forgive me if my GSCE science is about to let me down here, but water and an electrical appliance... Good idea? No it is not. She could drop it and then what would happen to her library - her fantastic assortment of mainstream and indie books would be gone forever. So lets say she doesn't drop it, how does she get out of the pool without getting it wet. Yes she could stay there for hours, but at some point those cocktails are going to make their way down to her bladder, or worse, the kids are going to get in, or they turn on the wave machine!!!!

Deep breaths. In. Out. Sip. Sip. Sip. Ahhh. This probably wouldn't have bothered me to quite the extent that it has if I was safely sedated with caffeine, but I'm sure there are people, crazier than me, who are thinking the same thing. I've always struggled to read in the bath, let alone in a swimming pool and I don't even own a Kindle. At least if I drop my £5.99 paperback into the water I can sit with a hairdryer and dry the thing out. Kindle's aren't cheap, £89+ is a lot of money to drop in a pool of water.

Perhaps I'm mistaken, perhaps there is an anti-gravity mechanism that the Kindle initiates when it's near water, but for nervous, coffee deprived individuals like myself, this is too much to worry about when wanting to relax with a good book. Maybe Kindle can do an advert especially for us highly strung ebook enthusiasts - sell us an armored car and body guard to go with our Kindles so we can read in absolute safety - or better still a Kindle underground bunker.

The fact is I would do things with a paper book that I would never consider doing with a Kindle, because a Kindle is expensive and stores a lot of date. If I left my paperback on the bus I wouldn't lose much sleep over it, after all it's one replaceable book - I can get another. Leave my Kindle on the bus! Now I've got to go to the depo, find they've already delved into my side folder of zombie romance erotica, and have to ask for the damn thing back! A Kindle and paper book are not the same, lets stop pretending they are.

I'm a big fan of e-books - obviously I'm an indie writer - but lets not get ahead of ourselves Kindle, it has advantages over a paper book but it is no where near a direct substitute. In a world where Rap and Rock can exist in one song, I think the Kindle can stand up for its own uses without having to stand in for the trusty paperback - sell that to me and my £89 is yours (which I will claim on expenses). The Kindle is great for people who can't hold large books, who have trouble reading small print, who live in tiny apartments, who read four books at the same time, who have bookmark phobias - sell these points and rap-rock that reader market.

First cup down, 1/10. And relax.


Louise Wise said...

Visited my parents today and my mum had boxes and boxes of dusty, ageing books. 'Take them,'she says. 'I'm having a clear out.'

I'd cleared my own book collection (apart from absolute favs)due to having a Kindle, and seeing all that paper in book form in boxes just seemed like a waste.

I didn't want the books, and knew they'd end up on a landfill site.

The thought actually hurt.

L E Fitzpatrick said...

That is really sad, reminds me of that scene in Toy Story 3...